WICKED NEAT STUFF
The Way We Word | It All Makes Sense | You Can Read It | Tour of Heaven
A Billion | Men's Rules | Amazanig | American Job Search | Remember When
"Weird Things You Never Would Know!!"  |  "You Know You're From Boston"
"Rules of the Road in Massachusetts"  |  Evidence that you Live in the Year 2001
I Dreamed I had an Interview with God   |  Fuzzy Math  |  Take This Quiz

WICKED NEAT SERIOUS STUFF!

"THE WAY WE WORD"
The Way We Word By Richard Lederer - Remembering the long-lost, super-swell, peachy-keen lingo of our neat and nifty youth.

http://www.aarpmagazine.org/lifestyle/Articles/the_way_we_word.html
"IT ALL MAKES SENSE"
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.
"YOU CAN READ IT"
Believe it or not you can read it - Read it quickly and see for yourself!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thuohgt spleling was ipmorantt.

"TOUR OF HEAVEN"

 (This makes you think!!)

A newly arrived soul in Heaven and was met by St. Peter. St. Peter and the soul took the A-tour around Heaven. They walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels.

St. Peter stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received."

The soul looked at the section, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

They continued on until they reached the second section. St. Peter told the soul, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them."

The soul noted again how busy it was. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest corner of the room, the soul stopped at a very small station. To the surprise of the soul, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing.

"This is the Acknowledgment Section," St. Peter told the soul.

"How is it that? There's no work here?"

"So sad," St. Peter sighed. "After people receive the blessings they asked for, very few send acknowledgments."

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?"

"Simple," St. Peter answered. "Just say, 'Thank you, Lord'."

What blessings should they acknowledge?

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world."

"If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy."

"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."

Also ...

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the millions who will not even survive this week."

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 700 million people in the world."

"If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death ... you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world."

"If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare. If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you are unique to all those in doubt and despair."

"OK, what now? How can I start?"

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special, and, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

Att: Acknowledge Dept.: Thank You Lord!

"Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with."

                      AMEN

"A BILLION"
The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" casually, think about whether you want that politician spending your tax money?

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into perspective in one of its releases:

- A billion seconds ago, it was 1959

- A billion minutes ago, Jesus was alive

- A billion hours ago, our ancestors were living in the Stone Age

- A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate Washington spends it
"MEN'S RULES"
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now these are the rules from the male side...OUR RULES!

Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!...Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both!!! If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself!

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We DO that!

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this...and Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.   Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!!

"AMAZANIG"
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wiouth it bnieg a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

"AMERICAN JOB SEARCH"
Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRILANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he couldn't find a good paying job in...AMERICA.
REMEMBER WHEN
Stroll with me...Close your eyes...and go back...before the Internet...before bombings, aids, herpes before semiautomatics and crack...before SEGA or Super Nintendo...way back!

I'm talking about sitting on the curb, sitting on the stoop..about hide-and-go-seek; Simon says and red-light-green-light. Lunch boxes with a thermos...chocolate milk, going home for lunch, penny candy from the store, hopscotch, Butterscotch, skates with keys, jacks and Cracker Jacks, hula hoops and sunflower seeds, wax lips and mustaches, Mary Jane's, saddle shoes and Coke bottles with the names of cities on the bottom.

Remember when it took five minutes for the TV to warm up. When nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids arrived home from school. When nobody owned a purebred dog. When a quarter was a decent allowance. When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny. When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces. When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels.

Remember running through the sprinkler, circle pins, bobby pins, Mickey Mouse Club, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Kookla, Fran and Ollie, Spin and Marty...Dick Clark's American Bandstand...all in black and white and your Mom made you turn it off when a storm came. When around the corner seemed far away, and going downtown seemed like going somewhere.

Climbing trees, making forts, backyard shows, lemonade stands, cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, staring at clouds, jumping on the bed, pillow fights, ribbon candy, angel hair on the Christmas tree, Jackie Gleason, white gloves, walking to the movie theater, running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt...remember that?

Not stepping on a crack or you'd break your mother's back...paper-chains at Christmas, silhouettes of Lincoln and Washington, the smells of school, of paste and an Evening in Paris. What about the girl who dotted her i's with hearts? (that was before that stupid smiley face)! The Stroll, popcorn balls and sock hops? Remember when there were just two types of sneakers for girls and boys - Keds and PF Flyers, and the only time you wore them at school was for gym. And the girls had those ugly gym uniforms.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking -- all for free ? every time! And, you didn't pay for air either, and you got trading stamps to boot!

When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents. When the worst thing you could do at school was flunk a test or chew gum. And the prom was in the gym or the lunchroom and you danced to a real orchestra. When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed - and did! When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grand parents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was so much greater than the threat.

Remember when a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream car - used to cruise, peel out, lay rubber, scratch off or watch the submarine races? When people went steady; and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped Band-Aids, dental floss, or yarn coated with pastel-frost nail polish so it would fit their finger.

When no one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the car and house doors were never locked! Remember lying on your back on the grass with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..." And playing baseball with no adults needed to enforce the rules of the game.

Remember when stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals, because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger. And, with all our progress, don't you just wish, that just once you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace and share it with the children of today?

So send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel and Hardy, Howdy Doody and The Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk...As well as the sound of a real mower on Saturday morning, and Summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, bowling, visits to the pool...and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar from the palm of your hand.

There, didn't that feel good? Just to lean back and say: "Yeah...I remember......."
"WEIRD THINGS YOU NEVER WOULD KNOW!!"
  • Butterflies taste with their feet.

  • A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

  • In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

  • On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

  • On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

  • Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

  • Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

  • Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

  • Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

  • It's possible to lead a cow upstairs.. but not downstairs.

  • Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

  • It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

  • The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year  because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

  • A snail can sleep for three years.

  • No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

  • Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

  • Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. - SCARY!!!

  • The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

  • All polar bears are left handed.

  • In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

  • An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

  • TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

  • "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

  • If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.

  • A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

  • The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

  • Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

  • Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you? :)

"YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM BOSTON"
You know you're from Boston if...
  1. You think of Philadelphia as the Midwest.
  2. You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.
  3. You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's).
  4. You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.
  5. All your pets are named after Celtics or Bruins.
  6. You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."
  7. Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry mood.
  8. You don't think you have an attitude.
  9. You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.
  10. Everything in town is "a five minute walk."
  11. When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.
  12. You still can't bear to watch highlights from game 6 of the 1986 World Series.
  13. You have no idea what the word compromise means.
  14. You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
  15. You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.
  16. You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic & stubborn.
  17. You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something, or are from out of town.
  18. Your favorite adjective is "wicked."
  19. You think 63 degree ocean water is warm.
  20. You think the Kennedy's are misunderstood.
When we say...we really mean...
  1. bizah = odd
  2. flahwiz = roses, etc.
  3. hahpahst = 30 minutes after the hour
  4. Hahwahya? = How are you?
  5. khakis = what we staht the cah with
  6. pissah = superb
  7. retahded = silly
  8. shewah = of course
  9. wikkid = extremely
  10. yiz - you, plural
  11. popcahn - popular snack
How we'll know you weren't bon heah...
  1. You wear a Harvard sweatshirt.
  2. You cross at a crosswalk.
  3. You ask directions to "Cheers."
  4. You order a grinder and a soda.
  5. You follow soccer.
  6. You eat at Durgin Park.
  7. You pronounce it "Worchester" or "Glouchester".
  8. You call it "COPEly" Square.
Getting around...
  1. Pay no attention to the street names. There's no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, no water on Water Street.
  2. Back Bay streets are in alphabetical odda. Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D.
  3. If the streets are named after trees (Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you're on Beacon Hill. If they're named after poets, you're in Wellesley.
  4. All avenues are properly referenced by their nicknames: Comm Ave, Mass Ave, Dot Ave. Dot is Dorchester, Rozzie is Roslindale, JP is Jamaica Plain. Readville doesn't exist.
The North-East-West-South thing...
  1. Southie is South Boston. The South End is the South End.
  2. Eastie is EastBoston.
  3. The North End is east of the West End.
  4. The West End and Scollay Square are no more - a guy named Rappaport got rid of them one night.
Definitions:
  1. Frappes have ice cream; milk shakes don't.
  2. If it's fizzy and flavored, it's tonic. Soda is club soda.
  3. Pop is Dad.
  4. When we mean tonic WATER, we say tonic WATER.
  5. The smallest beer is a pint.
  6. Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.
  7. If you paid more than $6 a pound, you got scrod.
  8. It's not a water fountain, it's a bubblah.
  9. It's not a trash can, it's a barrel.
  10. It's not a shopping cart, it's a carriage.
  11. It's not a purse, it's a pock-a-book.
  12. Brown bread comes in a can. You open both ends, push it out, heat it and eat it with baked beans.
  13. They're not franks, they're haaht daahgs. Franks are money in France.
Things not too do...
  1. Don't call it Beantown.
  2. Don't pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They'll tow it to Meffed(Medford) or Sumaville (Somerville).
  3. Don't swim in the Charles, no matter what Bill Weld tells you.
  4. Don't sleep in the Common.
  5. Don't wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick's Day.
Things you should know....
  1. There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, two Hancock buildings (one old, one new).
  2. Route 128 is also I-95. It is also I-93.
  3. It's the Sox, the Pats (or Patsies if they're losing), the Seltz, the Broons.
  4. The underground train is not a subway. It's the T, and it doesn't run all night (fah chrysakes, this ain't Noo Yawk).
"RULES OF THE ROAD IN MASSACHUSETTS"
  1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
  2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Massachusetts driver never uses them. Use of them in Boston may be illegal.
  3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
  4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
  5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
  6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Massachusetts is a no-fault insurance state and the other driver has nothing to lose.
  7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
  8. Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the backup.
  9. The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Massachusetts look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the State Police Radar car parked on the median.
  10. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
  11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
  12. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Mass driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
  13. Please remember that New Hampshire is the Granite State, named so for a reason. Try to stay on the road.
  14. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even if someone is just changing a tire.
  15. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway Crews something to clean up.
  16. It is assumed that State Police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need make up a few minutes in your travel.
  17. Learn to swerve abruptly. Massachusetts is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to DOT, which places potholes in various locations to test drivers' reflexes.
  18. It is traditional in Massachusetts to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
  19. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except in Boston where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.
  20. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. In Maine it is allowed to stop and then decide which direction to turn.
  21. Remember that the goal of every Massachusetts driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
  22. Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

EVIDENCE THAT YOU LIVE IN THE YEAR 2001

  1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
  2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
  3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
  4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
  5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
  6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
  7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a new screen saver.
  8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
  9. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
  10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it's out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
  11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life is cause for panic and turning around to go get it.
  12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.
  13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
  14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
  15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
  16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
  17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
  18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person!
  19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
  20. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
  21. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your breakfast.
  22. You wake up at 2 AM to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on your way back to bed.
  23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
  24. You're thinking how true all of this is.
  25. Even worse, you're probably going to forward it to someone else.

I DREAMED I HAD AN INTERVIEW WITH GOD

“So you would like to interview me?” God asked
“If you have the time” I said.
God smiled "My time is eternity”

“What questions do you have in mind for me?”
“What surprises you most about humankind?...”

God answered...“That they get bored with childhood.
They rush to grow up and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health to make money and
then lose their money to restore their health.
That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present,
such that they live in neither the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will never die, and die as if they had never lived.”

God’s hand took mine and we were silent for awhile
And then I asked...“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons
you want your children to learn?”

God replied with a smile…“To learn they cannot make anyone love them.
What they can do is let themselves be loved.
To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.
To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.
To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds
in persons we love, and it takes many years to heal them.
To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons who love them dearly,
but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.
To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others.
But that they must forgive themselves.
And to learn that I am here always.”

FUZZY MATH

A little boy wanted $100 so badly, that he prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. He then decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA they decided to send it to President Clinton.

The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would  appear to be a lot of money to the little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C...as usual, those bastards deducted $95.00

TAKE THIS QUIZ

1.  Name the Beatles: __________, __________, __________, __________

2.  Finish the line: "Lions and Tigers and Bears, ______ _____!"

3.  "Hey kids, what time is it?" _____ ______ _____ _____.

4.  What do M & M's do? ___ ___ ___ ___ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____.

5.  What helps build strong bodies twelve ways? _____ ______.

6.  Long before he was Mohammed Ali, we knew him as _______ ______.

7.  You'll wonder where the yellow went, ____ ____ ____ ____ _____ _____ _____.

8.  Post-baby boomers know Bob Denver as the Skipper's "little buddy." But we know that Bob Denver is actually Dobie's closest friend, ______ G. _______.

9.  M-I-C: See ya' real soon; K-E-Y: _____? ____ _____ _____ _____!

10.  "Brylcream: ____ ____ _____ _____ _____."

11.  Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone _____ _____.

12.  From the early days of our music, real rock 'n roll, finish this line: "I wonder, wonder, wonder...wonder who; ____ ______ _____ _____ _____ ____?"

13.  And while we're remembering rock n' roll, try this one:  "War...uh-huh, huh...yea; what is it good for? , _________ __________."

14.  Meanwhile, back home in Metropolis, Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and _____ ___________ _____.

15.  He came out of the University of Alabama, and became one of the best quarterbacks in the history of the NFL. He later went on to appear in a television commercial wearing women's stockings. He is Broadway _____ _________.

16.  "I'm Popeye the sailor man; I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm strong to the finish, ____ ___ ____ ___ ___________. I'm Popeye the sailor man,"

17.  Your children probably recall that Peter Pan was recently played by Robin Williams, but we will always remember when Peter was played by ______ _______.

18.  In a movie from the late sixties, Paul Newman played Luke, a ne'er do well who was sent to a prison camp for cutting off the heads of parking meters with a pipe cutter. When he was captured after an unsuccessful attempt to escape, the camp commander (played by Strother Martin) used this experience as a lesson or the other prisoners, and explained, "What we have here, ____ ____ ____ ____ ____________."

19.  In 1962, a dejected politician chastised the press after losing a race for governor while announcing his retirement from politics. "Just think, you won't have ____ ____ to kick around anymore."

20.  "Every morning, at the mine, you could see him arrive; He stood six foot, six, weighed 245. Kinda' broad at the shoulder, and narrow at the hip. And everybody knew you didn't give no lip to, ____ ______ , _____ _____ _____."

21.  "I found my thrill, _____ __________ _____."

22.  ________ ________ said, "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, __________ _____ _____."

23.  "Good night, David." "_____ ______,______."

24.  "Liar, liar, ____ ____ _____."

25.  "When it's least expected, you're elected. You're the star today.  _______! _____ ______ ______ ______."

26.  It was Pogo, the comic strip character, who said, "We have met the enemy, and ____ ___ ____."

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